What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:11
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So, i spoilt her more .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Do you think the constitution and laws should be taught in school?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We all went to grammer schools
If you could instantly cancel one social norm, what would it be?
Comes on , in middle age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So whats the point in blame.
My family never makes their pension either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She loved him until the end.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Is the Shia claim true that Imam Ali was born inside the Kaaba?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He knew the spot.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is soul school!.
When she asked me how she looked .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I have no regrets .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One cannot live in the past .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Who then, do I blame.?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But, we were locked up after school.
I write beautiful poetry .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
All the time i was locked up.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I will be 64.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were not on the streets..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She wouldn,t have been !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I said to her
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!